During the first three weeks of February I was in Europe visiting prospective clients. The purpose of this trip was to connect with select people who I would like to work with on future editorials and/or advertising campaigns. This trip was well researched and organized. I met a lot of really cool people and learned a lot.
It was my first time in Europe, so I decided to document my thoughts during the trip. I had meetings in London, Hamburg, Paris and Zürich. I also visited a friend in Brorup, Denmark. Here are notes of an American’s observations in Europe.
A Cowboy-boot wearing, 92-year-old, rock-n-roll-looking taxi driver with a face like a Catcher’s mitt gave me an unsolicited tour of London after picking me up at Heathrow airport. That was the most expensive taxi ride of my life. He played dumb like he didn’t know how to get to where I was staying. Using my iPhone, I tracked his route versus the most efficient path to my apartment. Lets just say he took me down a few more one-way streets than necessary.
On my first day, I plugged my cell phone into the power outlet to charge, via a certified U.K. – U.S.A. adapter and blew the fuses in the apartment. ARGH!!
London is a clean town considering how populated it is and there aren’t many Police officers present, unlike NYC where you see them everywhere!
People MUST walk at a running speed (yet still walking) when anywhere near the London Underground. I considered stopping in the middle of the herd, then the thought of a lawn mower rifled through my mind. (I would be the blade of grass)
I realized that I struggle to like Modern Art after visiting the Tate Gallery. I kept hearing myself quietly say “fucking goddamnit! REALLY?” It just seems like a lot of Intellectual masturbation!
SHIT! It’s COLD here! Feels like it should snow; yet water still seems to fall.
People are not very social here. When you walk by Londoners, all eyeballs are down or straight ahead. Rarely do you get a “hello” or even the opportunity to offer up a “hello.” Then, when you force them to pay attention to you, in my case it was a semi-aggressive “Hello!” with my face entering their personal space. All of a sudden Londoners become the most polite people on the planet. No joke! It’s all smiles and very polite behavior.
Word to the wise: Ralph Lauren gloves from Nordstrom’s are not worth a wooden nickel! My gloves are already ripping. LAME especially when it’s colder than Witch’s tit!
When you tip at a pub, you become a rare and exotic animal on exhibit. All the bartenders start staring, pointing and talking. I found out after the fact that I shouldn’t tip at pubs, only at restaurants.
These people pack on to the train during the morning commute! I’ll probably begin mutating based on all the DNA attached to me from so much human contact!
Had an epic dish of Pork Belly at the Old Dairy in London. Learned what Dukkah is, lots of crushed nuts – peanuts, almonds, hazelnuts, Etc. – mixed with herbs and spices. They added it to the salad. DEEE-LISH-EEE-OSO. Old Dairy = Cool gastro pub.
I’m staying with a really cool family. They are close friends of my girlfriend and her family, so it makes me feel more at home.
The people in Hamburg get to the point very quick. There’s ver little unnecessary chitchat.
Hamburg is a very clean city – barely a spot of trash anywhere. Their bathrooms are so clean you could lick the urinals and come away feeling minty-fresh!
The Hamburgers are very beautiful and natural looking. Obesity is not a problem there, unlike in America. Ironically, there seems to be bread shops every 100 yards. Odd!! And to top it off, these pastries will make one achieve a 6000-calorie diet, per day, in no time at all. And it doesn’t suck achieving that either because these little buttery Batards are a symphony for the mouth!
It is WAY TOO cold here!
I almost got beat up today (laughing). I shot a picture of this young guy and his grey-muzzled dog and he got ANGRY! He yelled something I didn’t understand (if you’re wondering, I don’t speak German). I turned around like a dopey American, with a surprised, dopey look on my face. I think at that point he felt he was dealing with an idiot. He yelled something like “Fuck off!” waved his arms violently and walked on. I thought an international incident was about to occur. I need to get the U.S. Embassy on speed-dial! I’m pretty sure I would’ve taken his dog.
I have to take a shower sitting down in the tub. No, I’m not lazy! The shower at the home I’m staying at doesn’t have a shower curtain. I believe this is common in Europe. This is not common for me. However, I have to say I really don’t mind it. Lots of activities should be conducted sitting down.
Took a taxi to the train station this morning. GOOD GOD that was the cleanest and friendliest taxi ride of my life. The guy loaded my luggage into a new Mercedes-Benz. It was so clean inside that a surgeon could conduct surgery on the upholstery. There wasn’t any clunky-looking taxi fare machine commonly found attached to the dashboard. My taxi fare was broadcasting digitally from the driver’s rear view mirror (the one attached to the wind shield). Germans, they’re always coming up with cool shit! Of course my fare would be broadcasting from the Driver’s rear view mirror of a Mercedes-Benz. Anything else would be stupid!! The driver was so nice. He kept telling me about the history behind all the cool-looking old buildings. I felt like I was on a guided tour through Hamburg. And unlike in London, this taxi driver was taking the most efficient route.
It was my first time taking a train through Europe. I was going to Kolding, Denmark from Hamburg, Germany. Train travel in Europe is a cool way to travel, but shit it’s expensive! This type of travel is more expensive than flying and it takes longer. That’s a weird conundrum! I mean if you’re constantly in a leisurely, Sunday-drive sort of mode, then train travel is great. But if you got to get someplace, jump on a jet!!
I almost missed my train. I stood at the train station waiting for train EC 386 to Aarhus, Denmark to show up. Turned out the train was sitting right in front of my face staring at me. The train probably thought “what a dumb American!” But I wouldn’t have known what the train was thinking because I don’t speak German, so my feelings weren’t hurt!
BRORUP, RIBE & AARHUS, DENMARK
The Danish are very friendly and willing to speak English (when asked). Like the Hamburgers, when the Danish found out I’m from California it was all smiles and lots of “Super-Cool!” thrown around.
The countryside is really beautiful and really cold. There are a lot of very old homes littered throughout the countryside. In fact most of the buildings with people living in them are older than America itself.
I went to a cool old town called Ribe. It dates back to the tenth century. All the buildings have the year they were built above the front door, either carved in the wood or with wrought iron-looking numbers. I want to do that at my brother’s house – “Built in the Year of our Lord 1970”…(laughing)…that sounds so feeble compared to the buildings in Europe. Oh well, we all have to start somewhere. Now, I just have to convince my brother this is a good idea!
When I was told the exchange rate of the Danish krone to the U.S. dollar is about 5 to 1, I was stoked! Ok, all you Finance and Business Gurus turn your thinking caps off for a moment, I’m gonna get dumb! So where was I? Ah yes, that sweet exchange rate. So there I was, all stoked on life thinking (from a simpleton’s point-of-view) that I could buy a bunch of this and a lot of that! WOOOO-HOOO! Then I got the bill for one espresso, one cappuccino and a cookie. 84 kroners!!!! That’s around $16! Shit, an order like that only costs a little over $5 in the U.S. Then, I saw a pair of men’s boots for 5000 kroners! REALLY? That’s about a $1000. Ain’t nobody got time for that!!! I better get Unicorn leather for that amount. The lesson of this story is that it’s expensive in Denmark!
The family I stayed with has a really cool, Danish-designed home (I know, “brilliant Sean! It is in Denmark and all”). The refrigerator is built into the wall. If you walked into the kitchen, you wouldn’t have any idea where it was, then BAM there’s the refrigerator on your right-hand side (unless you were standing facing the bathroom, then it would be on your left-hand side).
There is endless countryside surrounding their house. BUT DO NOT go tear-assin’ out into that countryside on a motorcycle, bicycle, horse, or on your dad’s shoulders because you can end up in jail, warned Anja (the mom of the family). Apparently there are a lot of farmer’s fields and other pieces of land protected by the government. They catch you cruisin’ and campin’ and it’s off with your head – metaphorically-speaking!
The Louvre is outstanding, yet overwhelming. It’s the Holy Grail of art! There is so much good stuff inside. The place is huge. I swear it’s the classic Bugs Bunny gag – enter into a building to find that it’s much larger inside than what it looks like outside. It’s a labyrinth of hallways and rooms that open up into more hallways and rooms. It must take two-to-three days to see all that art, unless you are a Champion Speed-Walker and Looker. However, I doubt that you have these abilities because last I checked Champion Speed-Walkers and Lookers are extremely rare. I think there’s only a handful in existence. To sum up, you better plan on two-to-three days.
People are chompin’ on a lot of bread around Paris. I see people gnawing on hunks of bread in the morning without anything on it. No peanut butter and jelly, no Nutella, just going at it raw. I like a good spread on my bread!
Like in London, the people really pack themselves on to the trains in Paris! I had to take the train from the airport to my apartment. The only difference between London and Paris is that they’re more savage about it in Paris. They push their way on. In London, they’re a bit more civilized – no room, wait for the next train.
There was a couple of old ladies pushed up into my personal space. Every time they talked, I kept getting wafts of old-lady-denture/afternoon-wine-cheese breath floating into my nose and mouth. I could taste it. I kept thinking about toothpaste.
The apartment I rented had paper-thin walls. The first night I got there, my neighbors started fucking like rabbits in heat! This occurred on a regular basis! Sometimes at 10:30 in the PM. Sometimes at 2:30 in the AM. It was audio porn! They would turn the TV on to drown out the noise. But those walls are way to thin to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. I could practically hear what they were thinking!
All the setbacks big tobacco companies incurred in America have been made up in Europe, especially in Paris. Old guys cough up parts of their lungs, chew it and send it back down with delight. Then they follow up with a smoke…after a beer…at 8:30 in the AM! This must be the land of tough guys! The Marlboro Man would be proud…if he were alive…but he died of lung cancer. Can you guess from what??
There’s finger-licking food on every corner and people playing harps with beautiful views of the city. The way they speak is with such grace; even the drunk guy on the train spewing nonsense made me a believer in his cause.
Cobblestone streets that serpentine back as far as the eyeballs can see. Cool-looking buildings older than America. Beautiful people. Overpriced coffee and chocolate. Super clean streets and bathrooms. The nicest taxi drivers. Freezing cold. Blah, blah, blah…seems like I’ve done this before. Oh ya, in Hamburg! Makes sense considering that the majority of people here are German (or so it seems).
There are a lot of Starbucks in Zürich. I think I counted four in one-quarter of a square mile. And they’re busy! That guy who started Starbucks must have made a deal with the Devil because this company is crushing it in America and Europe (and probably other less important lands too).
NOTE TO LESS IMPORTANT LANDS: I was joking about you being less important. Don’t get your knickers all twisted!
Oi, I need to get back to California. I’m starting to sound like a douch-ee tourist, spewing out hybrid-speak from every country I’ve visited. That’s it! I’ve had enough Euro, time for some beach culture and Dea.